(Four year old Maddie was playing with her great-grandfather’s collection of nativity figures. While possessing some familiarity with the original story, she also possesses a vivid and excellent story-telling  imagination. This is her version of the nativity as recounted to a spellbound and somewhat gobsmacked audience of great aunties and uncles.)

So, Maddie says …

Just before guests arrived to see the new baby Jesus, everyone in the manger is sleeping. While they are sleeping, Joseph (looking particularly villainous) kidnaps Jesus and takes him to a dark cave.

When Jesus’s mother, Doreen, wakes up and can’t find him she knows he’s been kidnapped. She also knows who must had done it, but she needs help to rescue him.

Fortunately for Doreen (and Jesus!), just at that moment the King arrives with the Popcorn Man, and they agree to help rescue Jesus.

(Pause in story here as one of the audience members rudely interjects with a question: ‘Why is he the Popcorn Man?’ Maddie [looking at audience member as if he’s an idiot]: ‘Because he feeds Jesus popcorn!’[i] Well, duh … )

Together with the King, the Popcorn Man, an additional visiting king, a small army of shepherds, a flying cow and a flying donkey, Team Doreen rushes to the cave and takes Jesus back from the outnumbered Joseph.

A little while later, Jesus once again safe in his crib in the manger, the King kisses Doreen. The Popcorn Man, the spare king, and the shepherds all join in.

That done, and after a very exciting but tiring nativity, everyone lies down to get some more sleep before cohabiting happily ever after.

THE END

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[i] For those of you unfamiliar with the symbology associated with the ancient art of making and selling popcorn, the Popcorn Man is often portrayed as one of the Three Wise Men (or Three Kings) who visit Jesus in the manger, particularly the one carrying a small chest or chests of golden popcorn, often mistaken for gold coins in our more venal times.